Marriage is hard.
I’m sorry for being Captain Obvious, but sometimes I think it’s good to just say it.
I’ve yet to find a “Happily Ever After” pill that I can prescribe to couples to make all the problems go away or for the white picket fence to magically pop up from the ground.
Marriage is an improbable journey teaming one broken man and one broken woman together for a lifetime. Yet despite the reality of this dueling brokenness they still try to find relational perfection. They still strive and work toward a utopia that continually moves just a little farther out of their reach.
The problems arise when, in pursuit of the perfection mirage, the two look at each other and claim the other person’s brokenness is the reason they can’t reach marital perfection. “If you could just figure your stuff out we’d be a lot better” becomes the war cry that each uses as their counter attack.
Slowly and painfully the two set up individual camps in opposition to one another and dig their heals in for the long haul. If anyone asks what went wrong, many if not all of them will simply say “We just don’t see eye to eye anymore.”
Now, the world will tell each side to cut their losses, get a divorce, and start looking for the next prince or princess to come along. The hope is to replace one set of brokenness with a different set that’s easier to deal with.
In other words, if you can’t see eye to eye maybe you can get a new set of eyes that you can see into more clearly. Yet, statistics will tell you that this approach is destined to fail too. It’s not surprising to see 3,4,5 marriages in a lifetime once people start retreating from the battle.
So what can you do when the battle lines have been drawn?
What do you do when there are two camps in one house?
What do you do when you don’t see eye to eye anymore?
I will tell you.
You don’t need new eyes to look at, you need to look to someone else.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12:2-3
We need to push pause on our selfish, self-justifying, self-centered stances against our spouse and focus our attention onto Jesus who is the only one that can correct our vision. He is the one that can give our marriage the Lasik our eyes need to start seeing it as He wants us to.
If we can start seeing our spouse as Jesus sees them then things would be radically different.
We’d have compassion and love toward each other that is unconditional. We’d forgive even when we were offended. We’d seek to serve without strings attached. We’d communicate without holding back or be fearful of what the other person may say. We’d see the brokenness in each other not as buttons to push but for places to nurture and protect.
Our marriages would and can be different if we started seeing eye to eye with Jesus first and our spouse second. It’s really that simple and that possible. He is waiting with eyes wide open to heal your life and your marriage. Don’t give up the fight just because you seem to have a cataract. Look to Jesus and He will heal your sight.
After all, if you both are staring into the eyes of Jesus aren’t you already on the same page?