Man Down! Wait…Why’s His Wife Holding His Head Under Water?

Men, you may enjoy a few of these one liners I found:

  • "A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."
  • "A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does."
  • "Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa."
  • "The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave."

Yep…ladies it is your turn.

Like I said before, marriage is the most unique relationship you will ever enter into in your life but can be one of the most rewarding too.  I have personally seen those that have successful marriages work as a team through everything, not just in small stuff like folding the fitted bed sheets.  It requires give and take, but also respect and honesty. 

In the wreckage of the failing marriages I see there is plenty of culpability on the man.  In fact, I place a large part of the responsibility on the man's shoulders for success or failure of the relationship as I believe God has directed us to lead our families well. 

Men, don’t we always seem to admire the quarterback that takes the blame for a loss and then vows to right the ship?  Why don’t we see that in marriages?  Rarely do we see men step up within their marriage and say I'm not leading the way I'm supposed to, but I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make it right.  Men, we need to do a better job of stepping up in our families without a doubt.

However, I have also seen within these wreckages men left a shell of their former selves as their wives stand with one foot on their back, their hands on their hips, and their nose high in the air proclaiming victory over their husbands.  Yes we screw up, but even if we have owned up to the sin, received forgiveness from God, and are pursuing what is upright, she still will keep a foot on our head to make sure we don't forget what we’ve done. 

Other ways I have seen this play out is by a wife never allowing the husband the opportunity to lead the family.  He may be a fantastic guy, great with the kids, and hard working, but some wives are so controlling and untrusting they refuse to let go of any control within the home.

The sad reality of these scenarios is that both are robbing men of what they desperately are seeking…respect.  Respect is the rechargeable battery of a man’s life.  The more deposits he receives through friends, work, school, and especially at home the stronger the charge will be, the longer it will last, and the more productive he will be in all areas of his life. 

Please stop rolling your eyes.  :)

Ladies, it very well may not make any sense to you.  My advice would be for you to add it to the list of things that don’t make sense about a man.  However, the sooner you realize this isn’t a need for our egos to be stroked and more about confirming your confidence in us the sooner your marriages will improve. 

If manipulation, criticism, and disappointment can somehow melt into motivation, encouragement, and respect, then I guarantee you will see a change in the man you love.  Believe me, all of us as men want to provide for our families and love our wives well at our core.  We just need to know that you see that and are there with us through the ups and downs. 

Ladies I would encourage you to consider where you are at in your marriage right now and perhaps consider some of these as you do.

·      When was the last time you thanked your husband for working hard to provide for your family just because?

·      When was the last time you brought up something from his past as a way of reminding him of what he did to you?

·      When was the last time you refused sex as a way of punishment or a way to show disappointment with your husband?

·      When you go out to dinner with your husband, are you trying to look nice for the people you are going to see or for your husband?

·      Moms, when is the last time you encouraged your husband as a father?

·      Moms, when is the last time you invited your husband to read scripture to your kids and you?

·      When is the last time you encouraged your husband to pray before a meal?

I always believe that actions speak louder than words or mumbling under your breath.  Consider these action steps as you pray about your marriage.

  • What are 3 things that you could do right now that could help show your husband respect with little to no personal sacrifice to you?  (Ex: Tell him thank you, compliment him on how he looks.)
  • What are 2 things that you could in the next month that could help show your husband respect with minimal personal sacrifice?  (Ex:  Ask your husband what perfume he likes that you wear and buy that, plan a date with your husband with him in mind, create 15 minutes of “decompression time” for him when he comes in before asking for anything)
  • What is 1 thing you could do within the next year that could help show your husband respect with noticeable sacrifice to you?  (Ex: If you do the household budget ask him to review the bills with you to see if he sees something you don’t on how to save money, when the next major decision arises in the family allow him to make the decision and support him in it regardless of outcome.)

Let me be clear.  All of us men are works in progress, and of course if your husband has a raging gambling addiction, is cheating on you, or is abusive, it isn’t a good idea to give him the reigns of your life.  However, for the lion share of marriages out there you have good men that may just need to be encouraged and given permission to lead.

I’m just asking…we are just asking for you to respect that God is doing a great work in us too and we need to show you what we’ve learned.    

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