God designed marriage to be led by the man, but this doesn’t mean we don’t need support. In a vast number of marriages I see an excessive amount of burden placed upon the husband that doesn’t have to be there. Some of it is self-inflicted, which I outlined in 5 Things Husband Can Do To Make Your Wife Want A Divorce, but some of it is caused by their wives actions and words. These are crushing blows to their husbands, but they are also things that can be avoided if not eliminated.
Ladies, I would have you consider the following 4 areas and see where some of them may be true of you. Realize that outside of God, who we as husbands desperately respect, desire confirmation and attention from is you. What you think of us carries a great deal of weight and can either lift us up or bring us to our knees.
These are 4 things that wives can do to crush their husbands.
1. Never Encourage Him
The expectation to provide for our families is interwoven into our spirit as men. Generally we don’t need a reminder that this is what is expected. However, although we appear rough, tough, and confident we still have a small boy inside of us that thinks we are terrible at everything. So if the one closest to us that we love won’t take the time to encourage us and appreciate our efforts who will? A small word such as “You know I don’t say this enough, but you are really good at your job and I just want to thank you for working so hard for our family” or “I just want you to know you are a great dad” goes a long way to sustaining us.
If you want to crush your husband never encourage him.
2. Speak To Him Through Your Kids
One of the most difficult things I see in marriages is when their kids are used in tough marital times. More often than not wives will childishly speak to their husbands through the kids. I’ve seen it done blatantly such as, “Johnny, go tell your father that if he wants dinner he needs to get his fat butt off the chair and get in here.” I’ve also seen it passively done where the whole family is in the room and you hear things like “Well Suzy, your ‘father’ must think I’m a maid because he can’t seem to pick up his own laundry off the floor.” Not only is this highly immature and unfair to your children, but it also makes a man feel even more like a child inside and does nothing but tear him down.
If you want to crush your husband speak to him through your kids.
3. Use Sex As A Weapon
I’m willing to bet 95% of men are more sexually driven in marriage then women, but I’m also willing to bet that 100% of women know that. Wives that use sex as weapon do some of the most damaging effects to a marriage. To these women, sex becomes a tool in their manipulation toolbox. They use it as a dangling lure to get what they want, a gift only given out at birthdays and Christmas, and it becomes a form of corporal punishment when they are “too tired” or want to make sure the husband “pays for what he did”. The problem is that this is completely unbiblical, plays right into Satan’s plan, and crushes your husband. To reject your husband time after time is not only crushes his spirit, but it also makes him more likely to slip into other avenues to pursue that feeling.
If you want to crush your husband use sex as a weapon in your marriage.
4. Never Pray For Him
I would ask this simple question of you today wives. When was the last time you prayed for your husband? Now, I’m not talking about passive aggressive prayers like “God, I pray that he gets off the couch and mows the grass today” or “God, please help my husband to not be such a Grade-A jerk all the time.” but rather a genuine prayer to God for your husband. When have you prayed for his day at work, for him as a father, or for his walk with Christ? We may never know that you are doing it, but I can guarantee we know when you’re not. We know it because we feel like we are all alone and that our strength is weak. Our souls need others praying for us and more than anything we need you to be praying for us. You are the ones that know us best and the ones that are our 2nd love of all time.
If you want to crush your husband never pray for him.
I’m the first to say that men need to step up and be better in their marriages. We need to start being the men of God called us to be, but ladies you play a great part in this pursuit. You can’t simply sit on the sidelines while you watch us train to become who you want us to become and then reap the benefits when it happens. We need you to be an active part of the process and supportive.
To a man, if we had the choice of being respected by our friends, boss, or wife we’d choose our wife every time. We need your help and the way in which you support us has the power to crush us or lift us up to levels we never thought possible.
It doesn’t take much, but a little from you goes a long way.